Thursday, January 31, 2002
Okay back. Rita and I just went to have a cigarette. It is fucking freezing outside. My nuts and her tits were the size of peas due to the extreme lack of warmth in our bodies. And Rita's eye blister looks like it might be going down. Phew. No one likes eye blisters. And no one likes bleeding gums either, but it looks like that is how the rest of my life is supposed to be lived. I definitely should get a good acting/modeling gig with a bloody smile. Hey...if a fat, mostly balding, speech-impetiment simple Simon can get one...so should I be able to.
Kelly is meeting Rita and I for lunch today. It will be fun for the three of us to meet up and have a quick bite. Catch up on the last couple of days. Her aunt just gave her 50 bones, so we might get to eat somewhere nicer than Burger King. Although I am totally partial to Burger King. Yem.
Cleo, this woman I work with, is just a nightmare. She has a cat for a husband, attention-deficit disorder, and a body that breaks all legal limits. I don't really understand it. Yesterday, she came up to me and we had the following conversation:
Cleo: "So Joe, I am taking this new medication and it is making me have a fever and cotton mouth."
Joe: "Oh. What kind of medication is it?"
Cleo: "(Says something totally unitelligible)"
Joe: "Oh. What does that medicine do for you exactly."
Cleo: "Well you see Joe, it dries out my face. It makes all of the oil that my face produces go away forever. It is a process that goes on for 6 months. Then at the end of the process, my face will be free of acne and totally dry."
Joe: (holding back the laughter that is rising to my mouth) "But Cleo, your face is beat red and looks like it has scales of dry flakes on it."
Cleo: "That's a GOOD thing."
Joe: (PISSING MYSELF WITH LAUGHTER AT THIS POINT) "But Cleo, what if in ten years you want to have some natural oils on your face. Then it will be impossible."
Cleo: "Oh stop it Joe. No one wants natural oils on their face." (walks away with purpose)
I immediately died laughing. DIED LAUGHING. Is she kidding? Is she crazy? Why would you take any medicine that a) gave you a fever b) gave you a fever and scaly skin and c) gave you a fever and scaly skin and ALSO depleted all natural oils from your face for the rest of your life! REST OF YOUR LIFE! Lordy.
Funniest part about this entry...Cleo stood here, talking to me over my desk while I typed it.
What a fuck.
Kelly is meeting Rita and I for lunch today. It will be fun for the three of us to meet up and have a quick bite. Catch up on the last couple of days. Her aunt just gave her 50 bones, so we might get to eat somewhere nicer than Burger King. Although I am totally partial to Burger King. Yem.
Cleo, this woman I work with, is just a nightmare. She has a cat for a husband, attention-deficit disorder, and a body that breaks all legal limits. I don't really understand it. Yesterday, she came up to me and we had the following conversation:
Cleo: "So Joe, I am taking this new medication and it is making me have a fever and cotton mouth."
Joe: "Oh. What kind of medication is it?"
Cleo: "(Says something totally unitelligible)"
Joe: "Oh. What does that medicine do for you exactly."
Cleo: "Well you see Joe, it dries out my face. It makes all of the oil that my face produces go away forever. It is a process that goes on for 6 months. Then at the end of the process, my face will be free of acne and totally dry."
Joe: (holding back the laughter that is rising to my mouth) "But Cleo, your face is beat red and looks like it has scales of dry flakes on it."
Cleo: "That's a GOOD thing."
Joe: (PISSING MYSELF WITH LAUGHTER AT THIS POINT) "But Cleo, what if in ten years you want to have some natural oils on your face. Then it will be impossible."
Cleo: "Oh stop it Joe. No one wants natural oils on their face." (walks away with purpose)
I immediately died laughing. DIED LAUGHING. Is she kidding? Is she crazy? Why would you take any medicine that a) gave you a fever b) gave you a fever and scaly skin and c) gave you a fever and scaly skin and ALSO depleted all natural oils from your face for the rest of your life! REST OF YOUR LIFE! Lordy.
Funniest part about this entry...Cleo stood here, talking to me over my desk while I typed it.
What a fuck.
Well helloooooooooooo.....so Paul has come and gone. I am still a virgin. It wasn't the right time. I thought it was the right time, but it just turned out that you can't really plan for something like this. I wanted us to have a wonderful day seeing RENT, going out to dinner, going to a club and just being together. Ideally, we would have come home and made sweet, sweet love. However, instead of making sweet love, he shoved his fingers repeatedly in my ass and it hurt. Usually I like having his fingers in me. But this time it hurt a lot. He was so aggressive and none of it felt good. I am glad that we didn't go through with it just cuz we thought we had to. It is better that we wait. But I bought condoms for nothing. I guess they won't go bad.
While Paul was here, he and I also went and got an HIV test. It was kind of nerve-wrecking. Just the idea of getting a test that could determine life or death is really scary. The guy that drew blood from me asked me: "How many life partners have you had?" I said: "Life partners? Do you mean people I have had intercourse with?" He rolled his eyes and said: "YES!" (Please asshole...as though every dick I suck is considered a fucking life partner) So I say: "If you mean intercourse, then the answer is zero." He literally looked at me as though I was a fucking liar. SERIOUSLY! His look said to me: "YOU ARE A SLUT AND A WHORE AND I CAN SEE IT ON YOUR FACE."
Whatever douche...take my blood and move on.
I go on Feb. 6th to get the results. Wish me luck!
Today Rita woke up with some weird blister thing on her eye. I mean, it is so little you can't even see it, but it is there nonetheless. It is like me with my gums. They are sensitive and sometimes swell and bleed. For no reason! We both hate body things. Cuz sick! I am a normal guy living in this vessel of doom.
Okay...gotta close this entry out, cuz I have this feeling that I am going to lose it. Blogger hurts my feelings sometimes when it makes what I want to post disappear into thin air. Where do those entries go? Prolly to Korea.
While Paul was here, he and I also went and got an HIV test. It was kind of nerve-wrecking. Just the idea of getting a test that could determine life or death is really scary. The guy that drew blood from me asked me: "How many life partners have you had?" I said: "Life partners? Do you mean people I have had intercourse with?" He rolled his eyes and said: "YES!" (Please asshole...as though every dick I suck is considered a fucking life partner) So I say: "If you mean intercourse, then the answer is zero." He literally looked at me as though I was a fucking liar. SERIOUSLY! His look said to me: "YOU ARE A SLUT AND A WHORE AND I CAN SEE IT ON YOUR FACE."
Whatever douche...take my blood and move on.
I go on Feb. 6th to get the results. Wish me luck!
Today Rita woke up with some weird blister thing on her eye. I mean, it is so little you can't even see it, but it is there nonetheless. It is like me with my gums. They are sensitive and sometimes swell and bleed. For no reason! We both hate body things. Cuz sick! I am a normal guy living in this vessel of doom.
Okay...gotta close this entry out, cuz I have this feeling that I am going to lose it. Blogger hurts my feelings sometimes when it makes what I want to post disappear into thin air. Where do those entries go? Prolly to Korea.
Monday, January 28, 2002
Guess what world? Rita Lovely started working at my job today! It is so wonderful to have another friend working here. She is doing an amazing job already and I think that everyone loves her. We will have to see though. Imagine my boss is like: "Well SURE Rita is great at what she does, and works hard, and could save the company...but we are going to go with someone else." I would have a heart attack and die on the spot. (but then she could get my job) Rita is the new "temporary" Admin. Asst. for the Development portion of our organization. As stated in previous entries, the development department is full of fucking lunatics. And now Rita literally sees first hand what I go home and talk about every day. It is so great! I love it!
Penelope has just started her own blogger too. I will put a link to her on here one of these days.
In fact, she is blogging as we speak.
Paul comes in to town tonight! OHMYGOODNESSOHMYGOODNESS! I am so excited. I called him at 12:30pm to see if he had many any arrangements to get on the bus. He didn't answer the phone. So I got all nervous and called his roommate (one of my best friends --- Mariah) and asked her to get ahold of him. She must have, cuz he called me within minutes. He was like: (in the groggiest voice ever) "Oh hi Joe. Yeah...I am getting up now." I am like: "GET THE FUCK OUT OF BED! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE IN 4 HOURS! (the bus/train ride takes 4 hours alone). So Paul says: "Oh, right. Okay...I am on my way." UGH! Can the kid EVER just do what he is supposed to do??? He has known about these couple of days for over a month. He keeps this up and he ain't sticking his dick in my tomorrow. TOMORROW! AY YI YI!
Either way...he is on the train as I write this. And I really can't wait to jump into his arms the minute he walks through the door. I can't wait to kiss his mouth, take off his shirt, and have him carry me into the bedroom. I love him so much. He is so BOY! And as much as it pisses me off, cuz he doesn't always remember the little things, he is still a strong, straight-acting, sincere motha-fucker. He has a huge heart and takes care of me. Always has. Gives me a boner just thinking about him.
And we have been together for 2 years! And I still get hard. Now that's an accomplishment.
I have the next day and a half off from work. This way I can totally maximize my visit with Paul. I have also planned something amazing for us to do tomorrow. I would write it in here, but I feel as though he might read this tonight. I want to tell him about this so that he can catch up with me even if we don't have a chance to talk. :) Also, maybe he will learn a thing or two about how to be a better boyfriend.
So tonight, Kelly, Rita and I play cards and hang out with Paul. Then I suck his dick and then he and I go to bed holding eachother until the morning. Or maybe tonight is the night that he will slip it in me.
Well, only if I don't puke from nerves first.
Penelope has just started her own blogger too. I will put a link to her on here one of these days.
In fact, she is blogging as we speak.
Paul comes in to town tonight! OHMYGOODNESSOHMYGOODNESS! I am so excited. I called him at 12:30pm to see if he had many any arrangements to get on the bus. He didn't answer the phone. So I got all nervous and called his roommate (one of my best friends --- Mariah) and asked her to get ahold of him. She must have, cuz he called me within minutes. He was like: (in the groggiest voice ever) "Oh hi Joe. Yeah...I am getting up now." I am like: "GET THE FUCK OUT OF BED! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE IN 4 HOURS! (the bus/train ride takes 4 hours alone). So Paul says: "Oh, right. Okay...I am on my way." UGH! Can the kid EVER just do what he is supposed to do??? He has known about these couple of days for over a month. He keeps this up and he ain't sticking his dick in my tomorrow. TOMORROW! AY YI YI!
Either way...he is on the train as I write this. And I really can't wait to jump into his arms the minute he walks through the door. I can't wait to kiss his mouth, take off his shirt, and have him carry me into the bedroom. I love him so much. He is so BOY! And as much as it pisses me off, cuz he doesn't always remember the little things, he is still a strong, straight-acting, sincere motha-fucker. He has a huge heart and takes care of me. Always has. Gives me a boner just thinking about him.
And we have been together for 2 years! And I still get hard. Now that's an accomplishment.
I have the next day and a half off from work. This way I can totally maximize my visit with Paul. I have also planned something amazing for us to do tomorrow. I would write it in here, but I feel as though he might read this tonight. I want to tell him about this so that he can catch up with me even if we don't have a chance to talk. :) Also, maybe he will learn a thing or two about how to be a better boyfriend.
So tonight, Kelly, Rita and I play cards and hang out with Paul. Then I suck his dick and then he and I go to bed holding eachother until the morning. Or maybe tonight is the night that he will slip it in me.
Well, only if I don't puke from nerves first.
Friday, January 25, 2002
I have this problem called my gums are rotting. You can't tell by looking, but they tingle a lot and sometimes they bleed. But today, mostly just tingling. I went to the dentist on Monday and he cleaned them and told me that everything looked fine. However, they don't feel fine. Can't I just have normal gums like all the rest of the boys and girls?
Another day spent shoveling shit. In actuality, my shit is in the form of data entry and answering the phones. People are just fucking rude sometimes. Most of the time...in NYC. At first it really scared the piss out of me. But now, I almost welcome the unwarranted aggression of other people. Those are becoming my favorite calls to field. It's kind of a game. Like, how can I handle what this other person is throwing at me while still making them feel like an asshole for trying to talk above me?
In other words: You're FUCT!
Today I had egg, cheese and bacon on a roll for breakfast. BACON IN A JEWISH PLACE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Then I strung the Rabbi up from the ceiling. Ahhh...the satisfaction of being a Goyim.
This girl I work with, we shall call her Penelope...she and I have become good friends and brother and sister in turmoil. She is working on this project for the Development Portion of our office...it is fucking hysterical. These ladies that are supposed to be the PR group that raises all the money for our non-profit organization...they are, for a lack of better words, mentally retarded. They can't form sentences, dress well, or possess any sort of sense of humor. Whatever...it is so hard to explain how absolutely ABSURD these women are. And I sit back and laugh. Laugh cuz these are the people telling ME how to conduct myself at work.
Penelope gets on the verge of smashing the fax machine sometimes. One time she slammed it on the counter and I ran for my life. My job is a cross between WWF Smackdown and a fucked-up Jewish version of the slow class in highschool.
Hee?
Hee.
BUT IT'S MOTHA FUCKIN FRIDAY! I love the weekend. Especially Friday nights. Staying up until the crack of dawn and then sleeping through the shitty part of Saturday.
Alright, must go shave my pubes in the bathroom before I go home.
Later...
In other words: You're FUCT!
Today I had egg, cheese and bacon on a roll for breakfast. BACON IN A JEWISH PLACE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Then I strung the Rabbi up from the ceiling. Ahhh...the satisfaction of being a Goyim.
This girl I work with, we shall call her Penelope...she and I have become good friends and brother and sister in turmoil. She is working on this project for the Development Portion of our office...it is fucking hysterical. These ladies that are supposed to be the PR group that raises all the money for our non-profit organization...they are, for a lack of better words, mentally retarded. They can't form sentences, dress well, or possess any sort of sense of humor. Whatever...it is so hard to explain how absolutely ABSURD these women are. And I sit back and laugh. Laugh cuz these are the people telling ME how to conduct myself at work.
Penelope gets on the verge of smashing the fax machine sometimes. One time she slammed it on the counter and I ran for my life. My job is a cross between WWF Smackdown and a fucked-up Jewish version of the slow class in highschool.
Hee?
Hee.
BUT IT'S MOTHA FUCKIN FRIDAY! I love the weekend. Especially Friday nights. Staying up until the crack of dawn and then sleeping through the shitty part of Saturday.
Alright, must go shave my pubes in the bathroom before I go home.
Later...
Thursday, January 24, 2002
It is later in the day. I have finally calmed down a bit and realized that bad moods come and go. It is funny how you can forget that every time you fall into that mode. I was frustrated today. I felt so useless at work and incapable of earning my measly income. I went to college for God's sake. I should be able to get into gear enough to find a new place of employment. Just can't motivate myself enough. And then I get so pissed when I am treated as though I went to fucking BOCES. No offense to those that went to BOCES. Hey, that's your station in life. But I wasn't BOCES and now I am basically making the wage of a certified cosmetologist. Or a mechanic. Or whatever other career BOCES trains you in when you don't want to go to class.
Today is my bitter day. As much as I can release and feel better...I will go to bed furious. Cuz thats how I woke up. My day was pre-determined. Hmmm....normal.
Tonight, Kelly, Rita and I had a house meeting. Just to get shit in order before they got out of hand. It was the most N'SYNC* moment I have had with 2 other people in a long time. 3's don't work. I have been a part of dozens, and they always fail. But this 3 isn't a 3. It's a 2, 2, and 2. A different attempt at the same concept? Possibly. But it works beautifully so far.
Great house meeting. Decided a few basic understandings...bills, cleaning, groceries. Then we watched "When Harry Met Sally " and just loved eachother. Pretty bomb. Felt like the beginning of something good.
I spoke with Paul today. It was amazing. I was very candid with him and kept in check. No freaking out over the long distance, no getting over jealous for no reason, no making him prove his love to me. I hate these things that I do. DESPISE. But it is so hard not to when you try to live a full relationship in 10 minute conversations. So today was good. He even sent me a text from his phone to my email at work. I smiled and felt warm inside. The comfort of having him there even when I felt like poo. (POO!---makes me piss myself.)
I really think that I am going to sleep with Paul. Listen...I am not some big loser that never had sex or couldn't get sex or was too afraid to do sex. I guess part of me is insecure that these LAME reasons would be my reason and that's why I spout about it now...but I spout nonetheless. I have held out for that perfect moment. I was gay in highschool (even though i didn't truly understand it or know it), gay in college and I never slept with a girl. I didn't even hook up with a guy until I was a sophomore in college. Late bloomer. So I have waited for that moment that I will never forget. The one thing that is in my control. I decide how beautiful and wonderful it will be. And I know that is exactly how it will happen. Next week! The most exciting part of it is that I have butterflies and nervous tension. As though I was doing him after the Junior Prom. It's just going to be a moment that in some way will change my life dramatically. And move me into that next phase of my life. Whoa. I'm gonna puke.
These are my thoughts tonight.
Also...in my last entry...I say that I am at work and that it "is a lot of shit for 12:00pm". IT'S TRUE! I wrote everything this morning and I am HTML stupid so I don't know how to fix the time. Blogger has already fucked me and we had only been on one date.
dick.
Sleep well.
Today is my bitter day. As much as I can release and feel better...I will go to bed furious. Cuz thats how I woke up. My day was pre-determined. Hmmm....normal.
Tonight, Kelly, Rita and I had a house meeting. Just to get shit in order before they got out of hand. It was the most N'SYNC* moment I have had with 2 other people in a long time. 3's don't work. I have been a part of dozens, and they always fail. But this 3 isn't a 3. It's a 2, 2, and 2. A different attempt at the same concept? Possibly. But it works beautifully so far.
Great house meeting. Decided a few basic understandings...bills, cleaning, groceries. Then we watched "When Harry Met Sally " and just loved eachother. Pretty bomb. Felt like the beginning of something good.
I spoke with Paul today. It was amazing. I was very candid with him and kept in check. No freaking out over the long distance, no getting over jealous for no reason, no making him prove his love to me. I hate these things that I do. DESPISE. But it is so hard not to when you try to live a full relationship in 10 minute conversations. So today was good. He even sent me a text from his phone to my email at work. I smiled and felt warm inside. The comfort of having him there even when I felt like poo. (POO!---makes me piss myself.)
I really think that I am going to sleep with Paul. Listen...I am not some big loser that never had sex or couldn't get sex or was too afraid to do sex. I guess part of me is insecure that these LAME reasons would be my reason and that's why I spout about it now...but I spout nonetheless. I have held out for that perfect moment. I was gay in highschool (even though i didn't truly understand it or know it), gay in college and I never slept with a girl. I didn't even hook up with a guy until I was a sophomore in college. Late bloomer. So I have waited for that moment that I will never forget. The one thing that is in my control. I decide how beautiful and wonderful it will be. And I know that is exactly how it will happen. Next week! The most exciting part of it is that I have butterflies and nervous tension. As though I was doing him after the Junior Prom. It's just going to be a moment that in some way will change my life dramatically. And move me into that next phase of my life. Whoa. I'm gonna puke.
These are my thoughts tonight.
Also...in my last entry...I say that I am at work and that it "is a lot of shit for 12:00pm". IT'S TRUE! I wrote everything this morning and I am HTML stupid so I don't know how to fix the time. Blogger has already fucked me and we had only been on one date.
dick.
Sleep well.
Wednesday, January 23, 2002
"Come on be my baby tonight"
Why is the first entry always the hardest? I have written this 3 times and I am never happy with the words that spill out of my face. I find myself struggling to be cool or to be funny or come up with a theme, but instead I always end up sounding like a complete jackass. So now I just be me. And if you don't like it you can just leave.
NO! DON'T!
I really want you to stay.
Here is my brief introduction:
I am a born-again gay Christian who is an actor living in NYC. I have a boyfriend of 2 years named Paul and he lives in Boston. Currently I live with one beautiful and talented Rita Lovely and another girl who is also beautiful and talented, but her name is Kelly. I should also mention that I am one hot man-beast. I am also not your typical gay guy. I refuse to ever be the Will to your Grace. And I will never take you shopping for shoes or for that new shade of lipstick, just cuz I think that shit is lame. (Although I totally wish I had the money to buy myself a new pair of shoes and lipstick)
I work for a Jewish organization as an Administrative Assistant. As I said, I am not Jewish at all. I just like having a job. Unfortunately for me, I take pride in my work. And as anyone who has ever worked in an office setting (especially as an AA) knows, no one else takes as much pride in your work as you do. To be quick...I fucking hate my job and if one more person acts like the task I haven't gotten to yet is of the UTMOST importance, I will probably freak the fuck out and and shove white-out down their throat.
I have a brother who is moving to Germany for 3 years. He leaves in 2 weeks. I die inside when I think about it.
I have a mother and father who have been smoking for 25 years (me for 4), and I die inside when I think about them dying inside. I also have an estranged sister and a dog that was stung to death by bees in front of my face when I was 7. Oh the stories of life's trials are endless. And we all got em.
And lastly, but definitely most importantly, I am still a virgin. Long fucking story that I won't get into because I am hoping to be a non-virgin/slut by next week. Paul is coming and I think it is time. Poor kid has waited for 2 years on this...but there are valid reasons. Such as---put on a condem or no dick-in-the-ass for you.
That should be a good enough introduction for now.
Well I shouldn't forget the fact that I have a MAJOR bodybuilder fetish. HUGE, PUMPED, STRONG, MUSCLE turns me on in ways that nothing else could. And no, my boyfriend is not a bodybuilder. Life is just full of contridictions.
Right now I am at work. I am also annoyed as I possibly could be. Counting the minutes until I either go home or set the place ablaze. Yet, even if the place WAS burning down...it would be: "Joe, just get this last fax out before the building collapses".
I am just relieved to know that when I go home at the end of the day...I have a life and these fuckers have cats for husbands, social graces of cows, and a fetish for chocolate like I never knew was humanly possible.
Here is my slightly offensive, yet totally honest thought for the day, as though I haven't offended you already:
Rita and I were having a conversation recently that I think was very important to understanding the human condition.
We both divulged that we have a secret desire to be hit by some out of control car and laid up in a hospital for a couple of months. Cuz when this happens, everyone that loves you comes to visit you and babies you as though you are the only person on the earth. And that shit feels good. Balloons and presents and cards from people that just CAN'T believe that you are hurt.
Unfortunately, Rita and I also realized that these type of horrible fantasies never turn out the way you want them too. Instead of being hit by a car (that OF COURSE wouldn't damage my model-type face or give me any permanent physical damage) and being stuck in a hospital with TV and visitors, I would end up either losing both of my legs or with one eye that is perfect while the other eye that is sleeping permanently. Imagine a face with one eye sleeping and the other eye awake...that shit is scary! Hence, nothing ever works out well when you wish an ill-fate on yourself.
In conclusion...do not pray that you will be walking across the street and lucky enough to witness a suicide. Cuz as great as it would be to get out of work for a couple of days....odds are that you will re-live that image over and over until you accomplish the same fate.
WOW~! Some heavy shit for 12:00pm.
Why is the first entry always the hardest? I have written this 3 times and I am never happy with the words that spill out of my face. I find myself struggling to be cool or to be funny or come up with a theme, but instead I always end up sounding like a complete jackass. So now I just be me. And if you don't like it you can just leave.
NO! DON'T!
I really want you to stay.
Here is my brief introduction:
I am a born-again gay Christian who is an actor living in NYC. I have a boyfriend of 2 years named Paul and he lives in Boston. Currently I live with one beautiful and talented Rita Lovely and another girl who is also beautiful and talented, but her name is Kelly. I should also mention that I am one hot man-beast. I am also not your typical gay guy. I refuse to ever be the Will to your Grace. And I will never take you shopping for shoes or for that new shade of lipstick, just cuz I think that shit is lame. (Although I totally wish I had the money to buy myself a new pair of shoes and lipstick)
I work for a Jewish organization as an Administrative Assistant. As I said, I am not Jewish at all. I just like having a job. Unfortunately for me, I take pride in my work. And as anyone who has ever worked in an office setting (especially as an AA) knows, no one else takes as much pride in your work as you do. To be quick...I fucking hate my job and if one more person acts like the task I haven't gotten to yet is of the UTMOST importance, I will probably freak the fuck out and and shove white-out down their throat.
I have a brother who is moving to Germany for 3 years. He leaves in 2 weeks. I die inside when I think about it.
I have a mother and father who have been smoking for 25 years (me for 4), and I die inside when I think about them dying inside. I also have an estranged sister and a dog that was stung to death by bees in front of my face when I was 7. Oh the stories of life's trials are endless. And we all got em.
And lastly, but definitely most importantly, I am still a virgin. Long fucking story that I won't get into because I am hoping to be a non-virgin/slut by next week. Paul is coming and I think it is time. Poor kid has waited for 2 years on this...but there are valid reasons. Such as---put on a condem or no dick-in-the-ass for you.
That should be a good enough introduction for now.
Well I shouldn't forget the fact that I have a MAJOR bodybuilder fetish. HUGE, PUMPED, STRONG, MUSCLE turns me on in ways that nothing else could. And no, my boyfriend is not a bodybuilder. Life is just full of contridictions.
Right now I am at work. I am also annoyed as I possibly could be. Counting the minutes until I either go home or set the place ablaze. Yet, even if the place WAS burning down...it would be: "Joe, just get this last fax out before the building collapses".
I am just relieved to know that when I go home at the end of the day...I have a life and these fuckers have cats for husbands, social graces of cows, and a fetish for chocolate like I never knew was humanly possible.
Here is my slightly offensive, yet totally honest thought for the day, as though I haven't offended you already:
Rita and I were having a conversation recently that I think was very important to understanding the human condition.
We both divulged that we have a secret desire to be hit by some out of control car and laid up in a hospital for a couple of months. Cuz when this happens, everyone that loves you comes to visit you and babies you as though you are the only person on the earth. And that shit feels good. Balloons and presents and cards from people that just CAN'T believe that you are hurt.
Unfortunately, Rita and I also realized that these type of horrible fantasies never turn out the way you want them too. Instead of being hit by a car (that OF COURSE wouldn't damage my model-type face or give me any permanent physical damage) and being stuck in a hospital with TV and visitors, I would end up either losing both of my legs or with one eye that is perfect while the other eye that is sleeping permanently. Imagine a face with one eye sleeping and the other eye awake...that shit is scary! Hence, nothing ever works out well when you wish an ill-fate on yourself.
In conclusion...do not pray that you will be walking across the street and lucky enough to witness a suicide. Cuz as great as it would be to get out of work for a couple of days....odds are that you will re-live that image over and over until you accomplish the same fate.
WOW~! Some heavy shit for 12:00pm.
